Why You Shouldn’t Hire a Marketing Agency

January 19, 2018

Category: Marketing Tips

And Four Reasons to Prove We Absolutely Mean It

I can see you scratching your head now as you read this headline. “Huh. Why shouldn’t I hire a marketing agency, and why is a marketing agency asking me not to?” you’re likely asking yourself. Perhaps you already have made this fatal error, and are paying an agency top dollar to market your products and services.

Allow me to burst your bubble and tell you precisely why hiring that agency was a huge mistake.


Your Website is Probably Fine

Do you remember when you asked your uncle Jeff in the 90s if he could hook you up with a free new website? You didn’t have to pay him money in 1994, so why pay for a new one now? I’m sure the retro appeal of your repeating patterned backgrounds and animated cursor is a big hit with the nostalgic millennial crowd. And that hit counter in your footer is about to hit 100 visitors, so you can’t lose it now! Google Analytics who? Mobile optimization what? You’ve got social integration covered – you tell all your friends about your site in social settings!

Bottom line: making a great impression with potential customers isn’t essential.


Nobody Reads Content Anyway

I mean, do they really? Don’t be fooled by Forbes magazine’s ten reasons why your content matters! How many times have you gone to a website to find out about a company, or discovered a product thanks to social media promotions? Probably never. (Except for that one time. Or two.)

Bottom line: content-schmontent! It’s only rabbit food for search engine bots.


You Could Always Use More Work

There’s nothing like doing a job yourself if you want to do it right! And doing this job right just means studying modern marketing strategy in your ample spare time, while developing a steady stream of content, keeping up with your company social media, researching your market, optimizing your SEO, learning graphic design that looks sleek and professional, employing tech savvy skills, and…

Bottom line: just put your name in the yellow pages and call it a day.


Marketing Nightmares are Myths

A marketing campaign has never gone wrong before. Nope. No one has ever sent out an email opening with “Dear First Name” or with broken web links, either. Why would you want someone with professional experience looking over your marketing campaigns? You’re so paranoid!

Bottom line: proofreading is for English majors and has no business is marketing!


Marketing Agencies Write Satirical Blog Posts

In retrospect, this may be the only valid reason here.


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